Growing OP

Canadian movies are always terrible. Yeah there is some great Canadian acting talent but it all ends up in the United States, and what are we left with? Government sponsored indie gems like this. A movie about a teenage boy living in a grow house run by his parents. Boy gets a crush on the girl across the street ( the same girl who played a teenager 10 years ago on are you afraid of the dark). He decides he no longer wants to be home schooled which is usually a good choice when you are younger and have a shot at not being socially inept retard. Anyways, the boy soon gains popularity in school because of his enormous knowledge of marijuana and he graduates high school and goes to prom with the girl across the street. But at graduation his whole family is arrested by the family across the street who were really the police the whole time.
Boy feels betrayed by girl and is offered a deal where he would go free if he testified against his parents. His dad forces him to take it in the first act of half decent parenting you see in this movie. The movie ends with the boy growing pot in his dorm room at college so that everything is some how a happy ending, because he clearly didn't learn that growing drugs was illegal.
The best part of this movie was the 20 seconds of a teenage head song and the reference to the band. The worst part? Everything else.

Long time no update.

I am going to give weekly updates a shot, I swearsies. This week will go beyond the scope of movies because I will dive head first into making fun of a music video too.

Loser. I can't stress enough how rediculously bad this movie was. It was like swallowing that little bit of vomit that you occasionally throw up into your mouth. So some douche bag moves to new york to go to college and has to deal with asshole room mates. Boo Hoo. Then we are suposed to give a shit about him being all crazy about some girl who doesn't know he even exists? Dude, she's banging her proffessor, That has to tell you this girl is nothing but trouble, crazy trouble.
The only part of this movie that made sense to me was that Greg Kinnear was an asshole. He looks like the type of person who is a HUGE asshole. Is Jason Biggs dead? I haven't seen him in a movie in ages, and I am pretty happy with that, Sean William Scott has seemed to revive his career over the last few years. I hated that guy in college, he basicly inspired assholes to be bigger assholes with his role as Steve Stiffler. There are 3 douchey things about that name too.
Its an illiteration, Steve is spelled with a "v", and his last name is Stiffler, come on. I remember sneaking into American Pie when I was 12 years old with some friends and loving it. I watched that movie a couple weeks ago and I hated my 12 year old self for liking it so much. I also saw Chris Klien in a movie recently, but I will leave that for a future post.
Back to Loser. Never ever ever subject yourself to this cinematic torture. It even had a terrible song to go with it, Wheanus- Teenage Dirtbag. This song was way to popular when I was in highschool. The video is suposed to go with the movie but it doesn't. Sure it has the whole Jason Biggs is inlove with Mena Suvari but she doesn't like him like that UNTIL THE END. But this video is set in highschool and the movie is set in college. I would assume this is because marketing bad music too highschool students is much easier than marketing the same bad music to someone paying good money for higher education, But it isn't THAT much harder.


Anyways, some non- bad movie related news. Tech TV in ontario is playing Freaks and Geeks every day at 5pm now. I already have the episodes on my ipod, but I think it will be like the American History X factor. When I was 15 or 16 I bought American History X on dvd and I watched it once. In the next few months when ever I wanted to watch a movie I would browse through my dvd's but never pick American History X. Everytime American History X was on tv
I would watch it because its a pretty good movie. I then noticed that it was the same story for every movie I owned. I would watch them when they were on tv but I would never watch them on the DVD I payed for. There are clearly exceptions to the rule, some movies are great no matter what, but for the most part all the movies I own never get watched. So I have set my PVR to record Freaks and Geeks AND Undeclared which is on after it on mondays I believe.

This entry was pretty fun to write. I got to curse and insult Greg Kinnear, I will probably run the risk of wearing out the novelty of a blog and update again tommorow.

Hatley High and more.

Sometimes movies are so bad, they end up being really pleasing. It was really the classic high school movie. But with a few ironic twists. 1. Chess is the big sport in the school. This is awesome, chess jocks picking on the nerdy basketball team. 2. Girl meets boy, girl gets boy, girl blows it, girl wins boy back. The movie centers around an international chess rematch between The school's team and a team from Russia. The main characters mother played chess on the school's team 40 years before the movie takes place but she opts out of the tournament because she was a coward and refused to defend democracy through chess against those commie bastards.
Anyways the main character refuses to play chess but when the captain of the team goes missing the day before the big game he steps up and movie magic is made.
Since this was a Canadian production you can see the same members of the cast in other series such as "The Festival" and "The Business" a dramedy about working in the soft core pornography business. Oh Nicholas Wright (Main Character) will be appearing in the Dead Like Me Movie, which is going to be awesome.

So yeah next time you are browsing the video store and feeling a bit peckish for cheesy teen comedy. This won't disappoint, actually it probably will.

Non Movie Related Post.

It may be a surprise to anyone who reads this and doesn't know me personaly that music is something I am far more passionate and concerned about than movies. Infact, I only make fun of movies because of the constant stream of shit that has come out in the last 5 years.

Anyways with the year closing in I figured it was time to post what I considered my Top releases of the year.


1. The Cute Lepers - Can't Stand Modern Music (1234 Go Records)
It was a sad day when The Briefs stopped putting out albums, but this record almost makes up for it.
This was the first release I got excited for this year. I even pre ordered 3 copies, of course I sold of 2 of those copies when my amp needed new tubes, but still evidence of my excitement. The album leads off strong with the kind of anthemic song "Terminal Boredom" which was released last year on 1234 Go Records, The only major department that the LP falls short in is the fact that "Terminal Boredom" was 1 of 4 songs that were previously released before this album dropped. I am pretty sure by now this record has been pressed twice by 1234 Go! and once more on a eurpean label, it's on just about ever colour of vinyl imaginable except black so you can even get it to match the walls in your living room.

2. The Black and Whites - S/T ( Douchemaster Records)
My friend Mike first told me about the band on the subway in the spring, on his advice I picked up this record that same and instantly loved it, The guitar riffs on alot of tracks are very catchy and fast, songs like "That Girl Aint No Good" and "Multiple Girls" are the kinds of songs that make you pick up the needle and playing them over. The band succesfuly calms it down with tracks like "Don't Wanna Go" and "So Torn Up Over You".

3. Gentleman Jesse and His Men - Introducing (Douchemaster Records)
Considering the S/T Gentleman Jesse EP was hands down my favourite record last year, this one was pretty much garunteed to be on this list. When the pre-order for a record like this goes up I guess you can say "I get so excited". From the minute I started listening I was sucked into a "Black Hole" of perfect power pop. This album has definately "Got me where it wants me". I think everyone on earth needs to own a copy of this record, so sit back, "Put Your Hands Together" and give this record the "Attention" it deserves, but you "Don't have to if you don't want to".

4. Teenage Bottlerocket - Warning Device (Redscare records)
This is one of those bands I really really really (yeah, 3 of them) got into this year. I wish I could
have gotten into them in early 07 so their stuff wouldnt cost me a fucking fortune now. 14 tracks of straight forward, catchy and fun pop punk. I am really bummed about missing their toronto show this summer but I am sure they will be back. As great as this LP is I don't think it compares very well to "Total" or "Another Way". I don't think I am alone in saying that "Pacemaker" is the standout track on this album.

5. Thee Make-Out Party - Play Pretend (Recess Records)
This is going to be another case of my friend Mike knowing whats good for me. I can't remember when but I remember him telling me I absolutely needed this LP. At first I didn't pay much attention to his insane ramblings about how great this album was but eventualy I decided to buy it. The problem was the local(ist) recordstore didn't was sold out. A couple weeks later I get an email from Mike saying the No-Idea distro had copies on sale for 6.99. You even get a
free random 7" with orders from NO Idea. it's a shame the 7" was aweful, but I guess there is a reason its free. Anyways, this record spent a solid 2 weeks glued to my turntable, just getting played over and over, before I got it the shitty myspace Rips on my Ipod were played over and over to but the songs still haven't lost any enjoyability.

6. Nobunny - Love Visions(Bubbledum Records and 1234 Go Records)
So this album gets released on Bubbledum Records and becomes a a favourite for many even though It was mastered poorly and you have to change the volume on every song. Towards the end of the year The good folks at 1234 Go decide to re-press it and boy was the end product amazing. Songs like "I am a Girlfriend" and "Chuck Berry Holiday" Illustrate Nobunny's ability to write musical gems.

7. Thomas Function - Celebration! (Alive Records)
On October 10th 2008 I ventured out to toronto to see the Ergs play a Legion Hall at King and Niagra Street. Statues put on an amazing set but are undoubtedly dwarfed by The headlining set on the Last Ergs tour before they call it quits in November. When that show ends another adventure begins. My 2 friends and I hop into a cab and tell the cab driver to take us to The corner of Spadina and College. We pay a discounted cover at the doors of the silver dollar room and walk in to see that the place is empty, deserted almost, We join a crowd of maybe 15 people watching a band that I can only describe as mediocre. But what followed was exciting and much anticipated. The Thomas Function's live set that night had all of the intensity of the LP and as few people as my bedroom. I don't know if having a packed house would have made the show more enjoyable, sure there would have been more people as into the set as I was, but its always nice to not get elbowed by some drunk asshole. Best track on the album is "Can't Say No" The long into builds into very catchy lyrics and a chorus that won't get out of your head no matter how many albums you hear that week.

8.The Goodnight Loving - S/T (Dusty Medical Records)
Drag is an amazing song. The end. Ok no, not really, for one this is just an amazing folk rock album. They put on a great live show and their bass player is 11 feet tall. I think 2 of the band's members are in The Midwest Beat. While its not cemetary trails it certainly doesnt disapoint. The only major short comming is the version of this album being released on an Italian Label. 1 different song and a new track listing order apparently. Put the damn song out on a 7" with an alternate recording of "drag". Seriously, having to buy a second copy of the damn record hurts the wallet.

9.Lemuria - Get Better (Asian Man Records)
I first heard this band on a split New Jersey pop punk wunderkinds The Ergs! Their sound contrasted with the Ergs! up beat catchy "Introducing Morrissey" and their cover of "Hey Jealousy" by the Gin Blossoms. I enjoyed that for the most part their sound was very mellow, I don't see to many female vocalists in punk and pop punk, let alone female vocalists with
very mellow, comforting voices. This is definately the kind of album that will put you to sleep in a good way.

10. Cheap Time - S/T (In the Red)
This is an album you will either love or hate. I absolutely love it, Lo-fi garage rock and roll at its finest. I think it is a real step up from their "Handy Man" single on Douchemaster Records. I would not recomend this album to those of you who think recording quality is everything.


Singles and EPs.

1. Marvelous Darlings - Demos 7" (Rat Patrol Records)
2. Suspect Parts - Seventeen Television 7" ( Deranged Records)
3. Teenage Bottlerocket/ Broadway Calls Split 7" (Adeline Records)
4. France Had the Bomb - World Of Mirrors 7" ( Dusty Medical Records)
5. Midwest Beat - S/T 2x7" (Dusty Medical Records)
6. The Ergs! - "That's it Bye" 12" ep (Don Giovanni records)
7. The Tranzmitors - S/T 12" ep (Deranged Records)
8. Demon's Claws - Fucked on Ketamine 7" (Rob's House Records)
9. Gentleman Jesse/ Joseph Plunket Split 7" (Rob's House Records)
10.The Goodnight Loving - "Up North Girl" 7" (Bancroft Records)

Re-releases
1. The Ergs!- Dorkrockcorkrod LP (Don Giovanni)
2. Nobunny - Love Visions (1234 Go!)
3. King Khan & The Shrines - The Supreme Genious of... 2x LP ( Vice Records)
4. Carbonas - Blackout 7" (Douchemaster Records)
5. Screaching Weasel - BoogadaBoogadaBoogada LP (Recess Records)

Props:
Douchemaster Records for all the great releases
Dusty Medical Records for the same reason
The Ergs for playing the best set I saw all year

Slops:
Matador Records for causing all that Jay Reatard Single Series drama.
Internet variant collector fan boys for making it harder to get certain records I wanted.
The Weirdies.

American Gangster, and the reason for such a tardy update.

I forgot my password, at least I thought I did. Turns out I can't read and never typed in my full email address when signing it.


American Gangster!

Starring Denzel something or other, and that violent Australian guy(like that narrows it down).Have you seen blow? Ok if so, Change all of the characters to black people and change all of the drugs to heroin. Seriously, minor details don't even matter. It was even in the same time period.
There are so many movies I would rather watch than see American Gangster a second time. The Goonies was a better movie. Josh Brolin, the guy who was in rudy(can't remember his name, he was samwise in Lord of The Rings) and that guy who never admitted to being molested by Michael Jackson but we all know he was and he cried on the first season of the sureal life because MC Hammer yelled at him, were all in the goonies. They find a treasure map and then go and find it, all in a small quiet east cost town, in the span of 1 day. I am sure these kids would have passed on the treasure adventure if the main character's ( Sean Astin, I remembered, I always do) parents weren't in serious financial trouble. What blew my mind was how it only took them 1 day to find this treasure. Those pirates must have been the laziest pirates ever, Second only to the laziness of any pirates who went looking for that treasure and didn't find it because they gave up by lunch time. The Goonies was the example of the perfect group of friends. Normal Main character kid, his older brother, his older brother's attractive girl friend, her slutty sarcastic bad girl friend, The fat kid, the weird kid, and the visable minority who tries extra hard to bring something special to the group. Oh and what about that mean Italian family who kept their freak son locked in the basement. That shit was fucked.


Ps. How come the map didnt show the fact that if you broke though like a foot of rock, you could get to the treasure from the beach? That would have cut the adventure down to like 45 minutes, and they would have never been attacked by the evil italians.
The End.

New Post New Post New Post New Post.

I died for about 2 weeks, And then took it very easy the next week, since I died an all.

Anyways, movies movies movies I guess. Well... Movie.


National Lampoon's Senior Trip. A classic from my youth.

Plot:
A class filled with delinquent highschool students ( and 1 smart one) are forced write a letter to the president of the united states on the subject of education reform. The president asks them to speak before the senate in Washington DC. The movie has every thing you would expect from a national lampoon highschool movie. The main character troublemaking bad boy, the uber stoner, the token black guy, the smart girl, the angsty lesbian girl, the stickler principal, the ditzy teacher who teaches some bird course, a computer geek and so many other cliches.

The bus driver is over a hour late and is also played by Tommy Chong. The trekie school crossing gaurd decides to follow the bus in hopes of killing the stoner character because he believes he is the klingon leader. When the students get to washington they soon find out that a certain senator is trying to make the president look bad in an effort to pass his own education bill and make a run at the whitehouse. Eventualy, The students foil his efforts, the day is saved and everyone gets layed. All in all it was a pretty funny movie, if you are mentaly retarded.
I am and I enjoyed it 10 years ago and I still love it.