Primeval.

Based on a true story my ass. This was just an hour and a half of shitty acting and shitty story line disgusing an attempt by Liberal Hollywood to talk about the civil wars and genocide in Affrica.

Guess what? They didn't fool me for half of a fucking second. Yeah there is alot of fucked up shit going on in that whole region but if you wan't to bring attention to it make a movie specificly about it, or better yet get George Clooney to talk about it on Entertainment Tonight or Some other show that is on while I am watching scrubs. Movies about serious world issues like that are fucking depressing.

If you are one of the lucky people who haven't seen this movie (I assume the vast majority of you are), this is what basicly happens. There is a giant crocodial in Burundi named Gustave. This is the true story part. There is a giant crocodial in Burundi named Gustave, its about 20 feet long. The thing about this is, there are a bunch of 20 foot crocodials in Africa. This one has killed and eaten over 100 people in real life. They said in the movie it killed over 300 including the wife of some old belgian sounding guy(played by the evil baron von wolfhausen from beerfest). Anyways some american journalists come to document the capture and kill of the crocodial. The Journalists are played by Dominic Prucel (The ugly guy on prison break(not that I find anyone on prison break attractive, I don't even watch the show, I just consider his face offensively ugly.), Orlando Jones (The guy who was funny and on Mad TV like 10 years ago when Mad TV was almost worth watching) and Brook Langton (Charlie Crews lawyer on the TV show Life). While trying to capture the camera man played by Orlando Jones goes off in the bush and witnesses a man with armed soldiers beheading a family with a machette. He films it and goes back to camp.
When he is in the camp the soldiers gaurding them over hear the journalists talking about the video footage and they are ordered by the warlord guy to get the computers. Eventualy shit hits the fan and its 30 minutes of them running from guys with ak47s and a 40 foot crocodial. In the end Orlando Jones dies(Its a horror movie and he is black, I was shocked he didn't die sooner) and Dominic Prucel and Brook Langton get out alive with a little African Refugee. The end credits are preceded by a message about civil war and conflicts in Africa and then something about the damn crocodial.
Let me finish by saying this, If I ever see this movie again I will probably eat a grenade.

On a more serious note. Everyone check out this band.

http://www.myspace.com/thomasfunction

Next time I will review a good movie for once. Which good movie? Well you will just have to get so bored that you check this blog out and see.

Kyle in real life.

I just watched this movie and I wasn't disapointed. First sign I was going to enjoy the movie was when I saw that Sondre Lerche did the sound track AND HE COVERED A PEET TOWNSEND SONG!!!(its almost like I am subtly shifting this to become a music blog...) I also love Steve Carrel. DID I MENTION DANE COOK GETS HIS HEART BROKEN. Oh man it felt good to see him suffer, even if it was fake suffering.


The movie itself wasn't very funny but steve carrel really tried. I guess its worth seeing if you have 90 minutes to kill.

Spidergenics.

Ever since I was a child I have feared one thing above all. What did I fear, you ask? Nuclear War? No. Aids? No, allthough the concept of that disease fucking floored me as a child. Spiders? Yes, dear god yes. Those godless creatures with 8 legs and a billion eyes, hellbent on killing everyone and everything they can. Yes a fear of spiders shaped my outlook on life and has left me a paranoid shut in lacking any social skills.

Well a few days ago it dawned on me. I have left Canada once, and that was to Ohio. My ecounters with spiders pail in comparison to that of people in other places. In South America there are spiders the size of dinner plates that eat birds. BIRDS. For some perspective look at it this way. bugs eat plants, spiders eat bugs, birds eat spiders, oh wait not anymore because spiders eat birds. These spiders should be exterminated before they become too powerful. Immagine if they evolve into winged animals? If these spiders could fly they would become the dominant species on earth. First the would invade, then start random killings, impose a curfew and before you know it form governments. We would be slaves to the master race.

I for one do not wan't to have to welcome our spider overlords.

This whole 3 day panic attack has got me thinking about other animals that could easily take over.

Sharks, We are lucky the are confined to the sea. I would like to personaly thank the japanese for fishing these killers into extinction. Sharks serve a role in our society too. Any animal that kills surfers can't be all bad.

What about bears? I was at a cottage recently and I heard some of the neighbors talking about bears wandering around. I was terrified, bears are not something I am equipt to deal with. I have read that bears cannot run downhill, well neither can I so I am still fucked if I am attacked.

By now I bet you are wondering, "Doesn't this asshole just do shitty movie revies?" Well here is one.

10 things I hate about you. Great movie. Apparently it was based on a play by some guy named shakespear. It had everything you could hope for in a movie.

A Nick Lowe cover, A Cheap Trick cover, highschool drama, heath deadger, a stereotypical neurotic jewish character. I seriously watch it when ever I get the chance.