Primeval.

Based on a true story my ass. This was just an hour and a half of shitty acting and shitty story line disgusing an attempt by Liberal Hollywood to talk about the civil wars and genocide in Affrica.

Guess what? They didn't fool me for half of a fucking second. Yeah there is alot of fucked up shit going on in that whole region but if you wan't to bring attention to it make a movie specificly about it, or better yet get George Clooney to talk about it on Entertainment Tonight or Some other show that is on while I am watching scrubs. Movies about serious world issues like that are fucking depressing.

If you are one of the lucky people who haven't seen this movie (I assume the vast majority of you are), this is what basicly happens. There is a giant crocodial in Burundi named Gustave. This is the true story part. There is a giant crocodial in Burundi named Gustave, its about 20 feet long. The thing about this is, there are a bunch of 20 foot crocodials in Africa. This one has killed and eaten over 100 people in real life. They said in the movie it killed over 300 including the wife of some old belgian sounding guy(played by the evil baron von wolfhausen from beerfest). Anyways some american journalists come to document the capture and kill of the crocodial. The Journalists are played by Dominic Prucel (The ugly guy on prison break(not that I find anyone on prison break attractive, I don't even watch the show, I just consider his face offensively ugly.), Orlando Jones (The guy who was funny and on Mad TV like 10 years ago when Mad TV was almost worth watching) and Brook Langton (Charlie Crews lawyer on the TV show Life). While trying to capture the camera man played by Orlando Jones goes off in the bush and witnesses a man with armed soldiers beheading a family with a machette. He films it and goes back to camp.
When he is in the camp the soldiers gaurding them over hear the journalists talking about the video footage and they are ordered by the warlord guy to get the computers. Eventualy shit hits the fan and its 30 minutes of them running from guys with ak47s and a 40 foot crocodial. In the end Orlando Jones dies(Its a horror movie and he is black, I was shocked he didn't die sooner) and Dominic Prucel and Brook Langton get out alive with a little African Refugee. The end credits are preceded by a message about civil war and conflicts in Africa and then something about the damn crocodial.
Let me finish by saying this, If I ever see this movie again I will probably eat a grenade.

On a more serious note. Everyone check out this band.

http://www.myspace.com/thomasfunction

Next time I will review a good movie for once. Which good movie? Well you will just have to get so bored that you check this blog out and see.